God spoke to me through Tyra Banks

i was on the way home and the tyra banks talkshow was on TV mobile. it caught my attention... coz they were talking about sex on the show! haha... actually what was going on was that tyra had 4 ladies as her guests, and they were talking about the issues they had- about not wanting to have sex. heh... what really caught my attention was this.. heart-wrenching really: A pretty lady was talking about how she wouldn't let husband touch her, because she just felt too ugly. and i was sitting there looking at her. She's really got a pretty, sweet face. She's a mom to 2 cute kids. She had a husband who really loved her. but she felt she was so ugly, and she hated herself so000 much, that she wouldn't let her husband touch her. Then what she said next hit me hard.. "my husband tells me i'm beautiful everyday, but i don't believe him." She couldn't accept all of herself, because she focused on the flaws she had. stretch marks from pregnancy and scars from the C-section she had. that's all. but it made her feel so ugly, that the pretty lady couldn't see that there was more to her than the scars on her belly. That hit home, because while i sat there disbelievingly, i realize that i do that to myself too. i think that i am unlovable, or maybe not so special.. because... i haven't been pursued by a man i would love. i was just thinking that on the way home, feeling a little down and a little disappointed that so many of my friends were getting married, and i haven't had someone special pursuing me. (okok i know.. forgive me.. i was having my own little pity party there) Well God broke in on my pity party. "you're a pretty amazing girl, you know that." (haha.. He really did tell me that!) "you're special to me, that's why I'm jealously guarding your heart." God tells me i'm beautiful everyday, but i don't believe Him. i begin looking in the mirror, scrutizing my flaws and lamenting what i don't have. And i feel ugly and lousy because i don't have what i think i should have. worse still... i was looking for my identity and esteem from man's affirmation. *bish* and i realized i was no different from the pretty lady on the tv show. Am i going to let the Lover of my soul love me? or am i going to push Him away because i feel too ugly? on the talkshow, the lady's husband was crying backstage as she shared her struggle and what she felt about herself. i wonder how God feels when i feel lousy and unlovable, though He loves me so so much, and did everything possible to let me know that! am i saying that His love is not sufficient for me? oh man.. so yes.. No more pity-party! i want to walk in freedom, i want to walk in the truth of who i am. and i need to choose to walk in that truth. God's truth. God's daughter. God's beloved. Which mirror are you looking in today? Is it the mirror the world holds up, telling you that who you are is determined by what you do? Your career, your leadership positions, your martial status, or your good deeds? Or is it the mirror of God's word, which tells you that who you are is determined by whose you are? That you are loved, bought with a precious price, and created for a special purpose. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalms 139:13-16